The FI and I decided pretty early on that we were going to write our own vows. This stemmed on the fact that we really wanted a family member or friend to officiate our ceremony. You see, neither of us are very religious and we don’t attend church. We weren’t raised that way either. It only seemed natural that we have a friend take care of the ceremony in a way that truly represents us. And, it only seemed natural that we write our own vows. Both of these elements, we feel, will really help to make the ceremony “ours” and personalized in a way that is a reflection of our relationship.
We are at the point right now where our decision is in each of us writing our own separate vows or writing our vows together so that we both make the same promises to each other. Their are pros and cons to both (if that is even possible).
If we write our vows separately, it will allow for us to tell the story of our relationship from our own perspectives. It will be from our individual voices, and a true representation of the relationship from each side. However, this could also result in our vows being so vastly different in tone, that they don’t complement each other. Not only that, but each could differ in length. There are ways to prevent that, which include having a family member or friend reading each of our vows beforehand to let us know if we need to make any tweaks. I’m not really a fan of that idea, as I want our vows to be an element of surprise (a loving surprise) for our guests.
If we write our vows together, we can collaborate on what to say and choose words that mean a lot to the both of us. It will also ensure that the tone is consistent and length is just right. BUT, the downside here is that what I say to him won’t be a surprise and same for what he says to me.
I like the idea of having his vows and words be fresh and new on our wedding day. I also like the idea of us making the same promises to each other. So, we’re stuck, to say the least. We have plenty of time to go back and forth on this, but it’s something I think about regularly, especially when I am at a wedding or perusing the pages of the internet.
How about you? Will you want to write your own vows or stick to tradition and use the standard vows at your ceremony?
11:33 am on August 24th, 2009
I have wondered the same thing for my “some-day” wedding. The BF and I have been together for 9 years and we know we will marry someday, but for the meantime we are focusing on school.
We are also non-religious folk and prefer to have a friend or family member officiate the ceremony–and seeing as how his best friend is going to school to be a minister, I think we have the perfect person.
However, when it comes to the language in the traditional vows, it doesn’t fit us as a couple or our views. So I totally understand your dilemma.
Personally, I believe that writing the vows separately is the best way to go. There would be the element of surprise for everyone involved–including the significant other. Plus it adds that “awww” moment to the ceremony knowing that everything that was said was genuine and from the heart. While the tones and lengths may vary slightly, the overall theme will be your love for each other. To me this would add personal elements to the ceremony and therefore, shouldn’t matter if they vary slightly. Also, if you are concerned with length–you and the FI can discuss beforehand an appropriate length and decide not to vary from a few paragraphs, for example.
Sorry for the long post!
12:23 pm on August 24th, 2009
I’m glad so many people are starting to personalize their ceremonies. It’s so refreshing!
1:38 pm on August 24th, 2009
We are doing a very traditional Catholic ceremony, so no vow personalization for us.
Why don’t you guys set some guidelines to your vows and then just say them on the big day? What’s the big deal if they are different lengths? It’s what you both were feeling and what you both wanted to say!
1:40 pm on August 24th, 2009
We haven’t thought that far ahead yet, haha. I’m sure once we get closer, we’ll have a better idea of what we want to do. We both just don’t want to the ceremony to be too long.
2:53 pm on August 24th, 2009
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